Memo for parents “Rewarding and punishing a child in the family” consultation (senior group) on the topic
Memo for parents
"Reward and punishment of a child in the family."
Reward and punishment are two sides of the same coin, whose name is “education.” And for this medal to turn out to be gold, you need to know the basic rules of reward and punishment.
PUNISHMENT
Today, all parents strive to become more sensitive, more responsible in their actions and resort to primitive forms of behavior as little as possible. Harsh punishment and cruelty in human relationships cannot be justified. However, unfortunately, it will not be possible to do without punishment. In order for the punishment to benefit the child, you need to follow some rules.
1. Punishment should not harm health - neither physical nor mental.
2. If there is doubt: to punish or not to punish, do not punish. No “prevention”, no punishment just in case.
3. For one offense - one punishment. If many offenses are committed at once, the punishment can be severe, but only one punishment, for all the offenses at once.
4. Late punishment is unacceptable. Other “educators” scold and punish children for offenses that were discovered six months or a year after they were committed. They forget that even the law takes into account the statute of limitations for crimes. The very fact of discovering a child’s misconduct in most cases is sufficient punishment.
5. A child should not be terrified of reprisals. He must know that in certain cases punishment is inevitable. He should not fear punishment, not even anger, but the grief of his parents. If the relationship with the child is normal, then their upset is a punishment for him.
6. Don't humiliate your child. Whatever his guilt, punishment should not be perceived by him as a triumph of your strength over his weakness and as a humiliation of human dignity. If the child is particularly proud or believes that in this particular case he is right and you are unfair, punishment will not bring him any benefit.
7. If a child is punished, it means he has already been forgiven. Not a word more about his previous misdeeds. Do not remember the offense anymore, because you have already paid for it.
8. You cannot punish with food; to hit hard; miscall; put in a corner for a long time; punish in a public place; repeat your demands many times, “strengthening” their weight by shouting. Remember that your lack of restraint in punishment instills hatred of the thing for which you are punishing; makes the child downtrodden and insignificant; frees you from remorse; subsequently such children become insensitive; punishment creates a moral cynic.
9. Very often, punishment does not correct the child, but only transforms him. Punishment makes the child afraid of losing parental love. A punished child develops a hostile feeling towards his parents. Frequent punishments, one way or another, encourage the child to remain infantile.
10. Contrary to popular belief, you should not punish a child with occupational therapy - after that, any work will be perceived by the child as punishment.
11. Attention! Under no circumstances should a child be punished:
– when he is sick;
– before bedtime and immediately after sleep;
– while eating (this is the most direct hit of information, the child literally “swallows” negative signals; later this can lead to the development of psychosomatic diseases);
– during work and play;
– immediately after mental or physical trauma;
– when a child sincerely tries to do something, but fails;
– when the teacher himself is in a bad mood.
INCENTIVE
Encouragement is a kind of art of education. It can be both “useful” and “harmful”. A number of simple rules will help parents master this art. By mastering them, you can avoid many mistakes.
1. You immediately want to “put in its place” exaggerated praise and show your true nature. Do not throw undeserved praise left and right, trying to win over your child. Many parents report that such unjustified praise resulted in completely unbearable behavior in their offspring. The parents shrugged their shoulders, calling it a paradox. And this is what happens: children feel insincerity, exaggerated praise and immediately want to be “put in their place”, to show their true nature. The child, as if feeling doubt about whether he is “wonderful, sweet, irreplaceable,” tries to refute the praise with his behavior.
The child will appreciate sincere praise, and next time he will be sincerely glad to please you.
So, if you want to praise a child (for example, for a tidy room), do not rush to exclaim, “You are my assistant, what a great job!” Just say with a smile: “The room is now clean, it’s so nice to come here.” Believe me, the child will appreciate it and next time he will be sincerely glad to please you.
And if, let’s say, you want to praise him for a beautiful drawing, then don’t rush to conclusions like: “You’re growing into a real artist!” – the child may doubt or be upset if the next drawing does not turn out so well. It’s better to pay attention to the drawing itself, for example: “What a big house you drew, there are so many bright colors around, and you haven’t forgotten about the animals. And what a tall tree there are – how many apples are on it!”
You need to be able to construct your comments in such a way that the child himself draws conclusions about his abilities. For example, if your son helped you move a heavy cabinet, instead of saying “how strong you are,” you can say how heavy the cabinet was, how difficult it was to move it, but together you managed. The child will draw his own conclusions: “That means I’m strong, I’m needed!”
Or, having assessed the child’s ability to write poetry, instead of “You will be a wonderful poet,” it is better to tell him: “Your poem touched me very much.”
The child must realize that he himself is capable of much by nature, without making special efforts.
2. Praise should be directed at the child’s actions, and not at his personality.
Examples of harmful praise could be: “You are such a wonderful daughter!”, “You are a real mom’s helper!”, “You are so kind and sympathetic, what would we do without you?” The child may feel anxious because he is far from being as perfect as they say. And here there are two options for behavior.
First: most likely, the child, without waiting for “exposure,” will himself prove his “not so ideal” nature by bad behavior.
But the second option is also possible, when the child himself stops being sincere and adapts to praise and prefers exclusively those situations where he can show off only his most advantageous side. And listening to the endless exclamations of loving grandmothers: “What a wonderful child! Exceptional abilities! What a clever girl!” – the baby runs the risk of growing up to be a narcissistic egocentric.
3. Don't praise your child for natural things. Don't make something extraordinary out of his sociality. This rule was revealed very well by psychotherapist Jean Ledloff: “If a child has done something useful, for example, dressed himself, fed the dog, picked a bouquet of wildflowers, nothing can offend him more than an expression of surprise at his social behavior. Exclamations like: “Oh, how smart you are!”, “Look what he made, and even himself!” - imply that sociality in a child is unexpected, unusual and unusual.” The child must realize that he himself is capable of much by nature, without making special efforts. So is it worth confusing him with inappropriate praise?
4. Don't express your approval in financial terms. You should not encourage your child to help with housework or creative activities with money. A person successfully does what he chooses sincerely, for internal reasons. If the child knows that the action will be followed by payment, then he will radically change the nature of his behavior - from “creative doing” his activity will turn into “making money.”
5. In families with several children, parents should ensure that encouraging one child does not cause feelings of envy or resentment in the others. When encouraging children, parents should act deliberately and slowly each time.
6. Definitely exclude the method of reward - candy and chocolate. Children, of course, love to eat, but creating a cult out of food and cultivating excessive interest in it is not worth it. Of course, it’s easier to buy candy for your child than to do something with your baby. Simpler, but far from better.
7. Encouragement should follow a good deed, and not be promised in advance: “Do this, then you will get this...” Your child should learn to receive satisfaction from the work itself, and not try for the sake of a reward. After all, in life, not every good deed is followed by a reward, and there is no need to teach your child to always expect it.
8. Teach your child to be grateful for any signs of attention shown to him, regardless of the amount of money spent on the gift. If your child is given gifts, never analyze their cost and value with him, this can lead to serious moral problems.
Memo for parents “On punishments and rewards for preschool children”
Repkina Maya Mikhailovna
Memo for parents “On punishments and rewards for preschool children”
Memo for parents:
“On punishments and rewards for preschool children.”
The upbringing of a preschool child consists not only of positive aspects of relationships (approval, praise, encouragement), but also negative ones (blame, prohibition, punishment). Punishments and rewards are unique levers of the educational process.
The psychological meaning of encouragement is for the child to reinforce good behavior and attitude and in the future to do, perform, act just as correctly and well as now. Encouraging children of preschool age requires special attention from parents, since the completion of some task, the achievement of something for which we want to reward the child, is in itself accompanied by positive feelings of joy, pride, etc. These feelings arise even without encouragement, they are a reward for the efforts the child has made. Numerous psychological experiments conducted with children of different ages have shown that the smaller the reward, the greater the change. As paradoxical as it sounds, with minimal remuneration, job satisfaction is greater.
How to encourage preschool children:
1. So that, when assessing the ratio of rewards and punishments, we are confident that there are more incentives in quantitative terms. This is necessary for a positive background in the educational process.
2. Use minimal rewards because they leave room for those feelings of joy that accompany a child's success and achievement. When choosing a gift to encourage a child, you need to understand that a gift is only a symbol of success or achievement.
3. Preschool children are sensitive to the words of adults who are significant to them (especially girls), so well-chosen phrases and words can serve as encouragement for them.
4. Give especially honorable assignments, when the child is trusted, entrusted with something more than usual.
5. Encourage not only for the result, but also for the child’s attempt to achieve the result, for trying to do well, help, etc.
Verbal methods of encouragement and support.
Fabulous! Right! Fine! Extraordinary! Wonderful! Absolutely! Great! Amazing! Perfect! Wonderful!
You do it very well. You do it beautifully! You're doing much better today. Good job! Just a little more time and you will succeed. Every day you do better. I knew that you could do this. Your work brought me a lot of joy.
This is the best! Better! It's better than ever. Keep it up! You can do it!
Congratulations! Congratulations! I am very proud of you. This is already a success! This is your victory. I am heartily happy for you.
You are a true master. I believe in you, you will always do no worse than now. I remember well (ah! You are now on the right path.
Well done! Good girl! You learn quickly. This is what you need! You're right).
Thank you very much. You are good (ah! You are a miracle!
The psychological meaning of punishment is for the child to understand, realize, repent, correct and not do it again. And punishment, since it is followed by forgiveness of the offending child, helps relieve the tension that arises as a result of the offense. When punishing a child, it is very important to understand what feelings he experiences (guilt, remorse, anxiety, confusion, resentment, humiliation, etc.). But the effectiveness of this educational lever depends on what feelings the child experiences at the time of punishment. It is the feelings of the child being punished that can give us the answer: whether the punishment we use has achieved its goal or not. The child's feelings at the time of punishment and after it serve as an indicator of the effectiveness of the punishment.
Punishment cannot be considered as a mandatory method of influence. In raising preschool children, you can do without it if the adult takes into account age characteristics and is thoughtful about the individual characteristics of the child.
If you cannot do without punishment, then you need to remember some rules:
1. Punishment should always be based on the motive of the action. It often happens that the result of an action turned out to be difficult, although the motive that guided the child was positive. For example, a child stood up for a younger person (a girl) and hit the offender.
2. Only immoral actions can be the basis for punishment: deliberate violation of the interests of the family, refusal to obey a reasonable requirement, careless attitude towards things, causing offense or harm to someone around, rudeness, etc.
3. For the child to understand the punishment, it must be fair and adequate to his guilt.
4. For one offense - one punishment.
5. You cannot punish a child when he fails at something, but he tries.
6. Punishment should not harm health.
7. You cannot punish or scold a child when he is sick, when he is eating, after sleep, before bed, during play, during classes, immediately after a physical or spiritual injury.
8. You should refuse punishment when you are upset, upset, or sick.
How not to punish preschool children:
1. Saying: “I don’t love you anymore,” etc. Deprivation of love is the strongest punishment, of course, provided that this love for the child on the part of adults really exists. This punishment is dangerous to apply to preschool children, since it undermines the foundation on which the life of a small child depends.
2. Physically, because behind external efficiency, nothing is hidden except fear. And it is useless to console myself with the fact that I beat the child for his own good - there is more harm here: you not only taught him to fear punishment, but also taught the child a lesson in cruelty.
3. Yell at the child, since yelling is perceived by a preschool child as a verbal beating. But not only screaming, but even a carelessly spoken word can traumatize a preschool child.
4. Silence. It is extremely difficult for a preschool child to withstand a boycott; this may require him to exert all his mental strength.
5. Excessively, not observing the rules that when raising a child there should be more rewards than punishments (emphasizing the good behavior of the child through rewards thereby reinforces it). Punishments should not be too frequent, as children get used to them and become indifferent to the actions of their parents.
6. For a long time and after such an amount of time that is disproportionate to the age of the child (the younger the child, the closer the punishment should be to the offense). Late punishments remind the child of the past, but do not allow him to become different.
7. Reproach and remind the child’s past sins, thereby reinforcing the child’s bad behavior. Punished - forgiven, the incident is over, not a word about old offenses.
Pedagogically justified punishments include:
1. A remark, but made in such a way that it reaches the child’s consciousness;
2. Reprimand - talk seriously and strictly about the inadmissibility of inappropriate behavior;
3. Depriving the child of something pleasant that he can do without: watching his favorite TV shows, treats, etc., but it is important that he knows what he is being punished for.
4. The method of “natural consequences” can be used as punishment: if you make a mess, clean up after yourself. It is unacceptable to punish children with work, since work should be joy. In addition, it is very useful to let the child understand that he himself suffers because of his disobedience. For example, if you didn’t want to put away your toys on time, you’d have less time to do what you love.
5. Temporary isolation of a violator of order and discipline - put in a corner, sit on a chair. When applying such penalties to preschool children, it is necessary to take into account the age of the child (the number of minutes of removal of a child is proportional to the age of the child, and if the child is 4 years old, for example, then the removal should be no more than 4 minutes). It is necessary to discuss in advance with the child the violations for which a fine will be imposed.
6. The method of ignoring is controversial. It consists in the fact that close people do not communicate with the child, but even in this case he must know why he is being punished. You can ignore your child for no more than a few minutes. I do not recommend using this method.
Punishment is a powerful method of education, but it must be used carefully, taking into account many circumstances: these include the motives of children’s actions and age-related characteristics. The effect of punishment weakens from time to time, and this is its disadvantage.
Punishment is the weakest means of suppressing unwanted behavior in children. In a child, it is possible to slow down a reaction with the help of punishment only in 47% of cases. Encouragement, such as praising a child for refraining from doing something bad, is more powerful.
REMEMBER, PATIENCE, CONSISTENCY AND UNDERSTANDING ARE IMPORTANT!
What rules must be followed when applying the punitive action system?
If you decide to use a punishment system as a preventative measure for your child’s bad behavior, you must be guided by the basic rules for their correct use. These rules for their application include:
- None of the punishments that are directed towards the child should harm his psychological and physical state.
- If you doubt the advisability of using it in a particular case, then it is best to refuse for the first time. All punitive actions must be deserved and not as a preventive measure.
- If your baby has committed some bad act, then there should be one punishment. If there are several actions, then it should be one, but quite severe.
- Do not use belated punitive measures, as they will still not carry any effectiveness if applied untimely.
- Do not engage in humiliation of the individual, as this will give impetus to the fact that he may completely withdraw into himself and in the future grow up to be an insecure person.
- As a preventive measure, never use physical force, otherwise the child may even hate you.
- It is necessary to use the system of punitive acts as rarely as possible, since in the opposite cases the child may become overly infantile, which in the future may negatively affect his behavior.
If you are good parents and want to raise your own children with dignity, try to thoughtfully use a system of rewards and punishments when carrying out the educational process. Only then will your little child be able to grow up to be a well-mannered and restrained person.
Tags: Punishment
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