Consultation for parents: Stubbornness and children's whims
Consultation for parents of the kindergarten “Stubborn child in the family”
Author: Skripnikova Valentina Mikhailovna.
This material will be useful to parents who are faced with such a quality of a child as stubbornness. This material will be useful to parents who are raising a young child.
Explanatory note: Childhood stubbornness is a special period when a child strives to do everything his own way, without obeying his parents. Noticeable changes in a child’s character and behavior appear already between the ages of two and four years: the child develops self-esteem and self-esteem. Goal: - Providing parents with pedagogical assistance in resolving a conflict situation. Objectives: - Help parents identify the reasons for their children’s whims and stubbornness. — To develop in parents the ability to prevent and overcome them. — Develop communication skills between parents and children. “The child is a mirror of the moral life of the parents.” (V. A. Sukhomlinsky).
Stubbornness is very unpleasant and difficult for parents and for a child who is very stubborn. An adult in such a situation finds himself in a helpless, hopeless and pitiful position: it is a shame to give in, and sometimes it is simply impossible to withstand the onslaught. Some children skillfully manipulate their parents from the first days of life, very stubbornly and persistently demanding that their wishes be fulfilled. Sometimes, even if they don’t need anything, they continue to demand increased attention. It is very necessary and important for them that mom and dad never leave them for a minute. Parental disobedience is punished by crying, which can often develop into real hysteria. Can you imagine, stubbornness can often be caused by the wrong behavior of parents. fulfillment of their desires.
Stubbornness is the fate of proud children, a kind of defensive reaction of a child with self-esteem. Stubbornness is a protective armor against the influence of adults, against dependence on parents. You, dear parents, with your behavior break the child’s personality, you destroy stubbornness at the cost of broken dignity and pride, you depersonalize the child’s personality. Childhood stubbornness is a special period when a child strives to do everything his own way, disobeying his parents. Noticeable changes in a child’s character and behavior appear already between the ages of two and four years: the child develops self-esteem and self-esteem. Adults face serious difficulties, both in communication and in education. As a result, small disagreements arise that could be resolved peacefully, but they develop into a conflict, because of which both parents and child suffer. According to psychologists, the main reason for the manifestation of stubbornness in children during this period, the unwillingness to do and fulfill what the parents ask for, what the parents want, what they expect from him, is parental overprotection. Some children, it seems to us, are designed to torment their parents with their wild stubbornness. It’s worth thinking about, is stubbornness always a negative trait of a child? Stubbornness is the fate of proud children, a kind of defensive reaction of a child with self-esteem. Stubbornness is a protective armor against the influence of adults, against dependence on parents. You, dear parents, with your behavior break the child’s personality, you destroy stubbornness at the cost of broken dignity and pride, you depersonalize the child’s personality. Childhood stubbornness is a special period when a child strives to do everything his own way, disobeying his parents. Noticeable changes in a child’s character and behavior appear already between the ages of two and four years: the child develops self-esteem and self-esteem. Adults face serious difficulties, both in communication and in education. As a result, small disagreements arise that could be resolved peacefully, but they develop into a conflict, because of which both parents and child suffer. According to psychologists, the main reason for the manifestation of stubbornness in children during this period, the unwillingness to do and fulfill what the parents ask for, what the parents want, what they expect from him, is parental overprotection. Some children, it seems to us, are designed to torment their parents with their wild stubbornness. It’s worth thinking about, is stubbornness always a negative trait of a child?
Some children, through their stubbornness, show their desire to do something on their own, to defend their thoughts and beliefs, their own ideas. Stubbornness can become a character trait, and not always a good one, if measures are not taken to overcome it. Over time, it leads to children's deceit and can lead to nervous system disorders, neuroses, and irritability. If such manifestations, even in preschool age, turn from reactive states into chronic ones, then the initial stage of pedagogical neglect occurs. Advice for parents during an attack of child stubbornness. When a stubborn episode begins, children produce large amounts of adrenaline, a hormone that causes stress. Children throw themselves on the floor as hard as they can, waving their arms, kicking their legs and stomping, screaming until they lose their breath, and after catching their breath a little, they begin to be hysterical and capricious again. - Don't attach much importance or pay attention to stubbornness. - Do not move far from the child during an attack, be close to the baby and let him feel, understand that you understand how he is suffering, how bad he is. — During an attack of stubbornness, children have difficulty hearing and seeing, and cannot stand being touched at this moment. They do not control themselves, the body gets out of control, often when they see this, parents get very scared and panic, but all this is not as scary as it might seem. The child’s breathing is restored very quickly; a wet or water-soaked towel should be placed on the forehead. - Therefore, if you said “no”, continue to adhere to this opinion in the future. The parents' position must become firmer. The baby, albeit belatedly, will learn that if it’s impossible, it’s impossible, but if it’s necessary, it’s necessary, and that refusing something does not at all mean that they will immediately offer him something in return. - Don’t give up and don’t despair even when your child has an attack of stubbornness in a public place. It’s worth taking him by the hand and leading him away from there. - Parents need to be able to give instructions to their children authoritatively, maintaining a firm and serious tone, to be fair, consistent in their demands, if sometimes parents, even if they do not have enough patience. - Then parents need to stock up on a lot of patience - it is very important to cope with attacks of aggression when the baby begins to test your “strength”. - Never compare your child with other children, tirelessly repeat to your child that he has many different advantages. - Never humiliate or insult your child. - Praise your children not only in the family circle, but also in the presence of strangers, the child will feel important, he will have a desire to do something that will surprise and delight his parents. - Try to read morals less, set prohibitions, punish and more affection, patience, even at the cost of some compromises. Of course, it is very difficult to use all the rules and necessary conditions in your family upbringing, but probably each parent will choose the missing part from all of the above, thereby complementing the already developed education strategy in your family.
Pay attention to your child not when he is “bad”, but when he is “good”. You are wiser than him, help the child cope with himself, basing his behavior on three principles: try to understand the child, outline the limits of what is permissible, and show sympathy for him.
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Stubbornness and whims are not uncommon in children. Sometimes there are complaints only about stubbornness, sometimes only about whims, and sometimes about both. They can alternate in the same child at different ages. Both stubbornness and whims are two sides of the same disorder - a manifestation of difficulties in socialization: in stronger children this is expressed in stubbornness, in weaker ones - in whims.
The first manifestations of stubbornness are found in very young children - at the age of 2-3 years. It is during this period that the child’s activity, independence, and perseverance in achieving his own, even the most simple desires, sharply increases. At this time, the baby may already have his own opinion, which does not always coincide with the opinion of the parents, and tries to defend it. One of the ways to insist on your own is stubbornness - the first attempt to insist on your own.
Parents' tactics during this period should be reduced to patient and persistent, but gentle in form, introducing the child to the rules and norms accepted in society. From the adults around him, the baby learns the correct ways of handling objects: a cat can be stroked and not pulled by the tail; You can leaf through the book, looking at the pictures in it, but you cannot tear it or wipe the puddle on the floor with it. In communicating with adults, the child also understands the first rules of behavior with people: you can count on the help of adults if you ask them for it, but you cannot get your way by screaming, crying, etc.
The desire of parents to eradicate stubbornness is always, to some extent, the source of this very stubbornness and aggravates its manifestation. Stubbornness is characteristic of children who are energetic, fairly “strong in spirit,” and with high self-esteem. Does it make sense to so persistently fight this peculiar manifestation of a child’s independence? Isn't it better to direct all the qualities that underlie stubbornness in the right direction? This is possible only under one obligatory condition - respect for the baby.
At times, all children become capricious, for example, when their usual way of life is suddenly disrupted - they are placed in kindergarten, but when the situation normalizes, their capriciousness disappears. If they become permanent, a habitual form of behavior, then this is a signal of trouble. A capricious child, as a rule, is in a special state of “readiness” for a whim: if a stubborn child shows his stubbornness only in response to the behavior or demands of his parents, then the capricious child begins to snarl, whine and cry for any reason. If the most important thing for a “stubborn person” is not to give in to an adult, but to insist on his own, and if an adult lags behind and gives up on him, he will only be happy, then a “capricious person,” on the contrary, is more likely to strive to achieve even greater attention to himself, to his person . A stubborn child always has his own opinion, desire, goal that he achieves. His favorite expression: “I want! " A capricious child has favorite words: “I don’t want to!” " He prefers to consistently refuse everything that adults offer him, in the hope that he will finally agree. He really likes to be the center of attention, so when he refuses something, the baby practically never offers his own option.
If a child’s stubbornness is the result of excessively demanding parents, then whims, on the contrary, are a consequence of excessive compliance of his loved ones. The main thing that parents should do is to change their attitude towards the child, abandon the usual “authoritarian” position, learn to treat him not as a completely subordinate and dependent being, but as a person who has certain rights, his own opinion, which is completely deserves respect. A capricious child usually grows up in an atmosphere of general indulgence to all his desires. He does not meet with strict, categorical refusal even in cases where this is necessary. Such a child is lacking initiative, does not know how to put effort into anything, is not familiar with the demands of adults and cannot imagine another life. Typically, children who are prone to whims value the attention of adults very much and painfully tolerate its absence. It is not their fault that this attention is most often expressed in endless persuasion or discussions of what the child does not want and what he does want. It is necessary to diversify the experience of communication with adults and peers, to include them in a common cause, to captivate them. It is necessary to encourage the child’s independence in every possible way, to invite him to do something very interesting: wash his socks, build a “garage” and put all the cars there, etc. The element of independence in most cases is perceived by preschoolers as a very important and new, previously inaccessible privilege. . You need to take advantage of this and in every possible way support the child’s conviction that he was terribly lucky when, for example, he was allowed to put the plates on the table or anything else himself.
In general, to eradicate both stubbornness and whims, a conscious change in the behavior of adults is necessary, since the roots of these changes lie not in the child, but in the parents. It is useless to look for the source of stubbornness and whims in a child.
"In the kingdom of stubbornness and whims."
Raising children can be fun and joyful. Any parent devotes a significant part of their life to interacting with their children. At the same time, most fathers and mothers are concerned with the question: how to raise a child healthy, smart, successful? Therefore, each family independently develops its own line of behavior and education of children. How to cope with whims? is one of the most frequently asked questions, regardless of the child’s age.
Whims are the aggressive persistence of a child, striving at any cost to achieve the fulfillment of his desires. Such a child does not accept any objections and is ready to create a stormy scene to fulfill his every whim. It is clear that such behavior causes a lot of grief for parents. And it does not benefit the child himself; if it becomes established as a character trait, it subsequently leads to the formation of nonsense, selfishness and quarrelsomeness.
Whims are not always associated with bad upbringing. At different ages, the whims are different. An infant cries due to some kind of discomfort, and it can hardly be called a whim. This is most likely a cry for help. At the age of one, three, five years, a child experiences age-related crises, and these periods bring with them vivid emotional reactions in children. During periods of age crisis, it would be correct to perceive whims as a half-natural psychological reaction. At this time, the child needs a special approach and sensitive attitude. But if adults raise a child incorrectly, then whims and children's hysterics often become a habitual form of behavior.
Spoiled, overly petted children often become capricious. Constant attention tires the baby too much, and if the child is happy at first, then later he often even begins to cry. This is a predictable reaction of the child’s psyche to fatigue from the endless attention of adults, to which the baby responds with whims. Therefore, before looking for an answer to the question of how to cope with children’s whims, it is worth assessing your communication with your baby.
The opposite extreme is when the child is not given enough attention and is treated indifferently. The child begins to act up, trying to attract attention. And children who acutely lack maternal love and affection very often become irritable and begin to lag behind in development.
Another reason for the appearance of children's whims is inconsistency or lack of unity in the requirements for the child. For example, if a mother is stricter with her child than a grandmother, and the mother forbids doing many of the things that the grandmother allows, then it will take the child quite a bit of time to understand: it’s okay to be naughty in front of the grandmother, but this will not work with the mother. Constantly adapting to each adult, the child begins to experience great stress on the psyche and nervous system, which invariably leads to breakdowns and whims. But adults cannot develop common tactics on how to deal with the whims of a child, because they do not have a common position.
Children who do not know any restrictions are often capricious. They do not develop the ability to restrain themselves, control their desires and emotions. Therefore, it is very important to promptly teach the child the necessary self-restraint. The word “impossible” should be one of the very first things a small child understands. Of course, you cannot abuse endless prohibitions. It is necessary to prohibit only what can really harm the child or what he himself can harm.
Stubbornness is one of the most common types of children's whims. It is used as a means of resolving conflicts and contradictions between parents and children. Stubbornness is a unique way for children to assert themselves in the eyes of adults and peers.
Children's stubbornness most often consists of a constant desire to do everything their own way, in defiance of adults.
The peak of stubbornness occurs at the age of about 2.5 years, since at this time children need not only care, but also recognition of their point of view.
First of all, the reason for stubbornness is the manifestation of the need for self-affirmation. Also, the cause of stubbornness is often a violation of the baby’s usual rhythm of life.
In order to understand how to deal with a child’s whims, you need to firmly understand that whims are not random and never arise out of nowhere. They always have some reason, and if adults react incorrectly to children’s whims, then they only support and reinforce them. The right way to wean a child from whims is knowledge of the age-related characteristics of the child’s psyche. And most importantly – love and great patience!
What can parents do to redirect their child's moody behavior?
1. Do not talk to the child at this moment, do not explain the reasons for your actions, do not shame him for unacceptable behavior.
2. It is necessary to give the child the opportunity to feel independent and assert himself. To do this, you don’t need to get involved in a quarrel - you need to look him in the eyes and let him know that you love him, but you won’t allow him to do this. Offer alternatives to negative behavior.
3. Make sure that the baby understands: an adult is nearby, he remembers and knows about him. It is best to use physical signs of attention: hug the child, stroke, kiss.
4. Start acting immediately, as soon as you feel irritation. If you miss this first moment, then (due to increased negativity) it will be more difficult to give your child your attention.
5. Try to pay more attention to your child on your own initiative, when he does not insist on it. If children feel that they are loved, valued, and listened to in the family, they do not feel the need to attract additional attention to themselves.
6. It is also very important that all family members behave the same in a situation of whim. Otherwise, your baby will very soon begin to skillfully manipulate dad, mom, grandparents, quickly figuring out what style of behavior to use with each of them.
"Causes of children's whims."
Many parents are concerned about the whims and stubbornness of their children. To the most common suggestion - wash your hands, get ready for bed, put away toys - the child responds with either silent disobedience or violent protest. Such reactions occur so often in some children that adults begin to treat this as a natural phenomenon of preschool age. However, it is completely wrong to believe that whims and stubbornness necessarily accompany childhood. Children are not born this way, and this is not a feature of their age. But still, whims more often appear in preschool age. What causes this?
Of course, the tendency to whims is associated with the age and psychophysical characteristics of children: the younger the child, the more pronounced are the processes of arousal, and in connection with this, impulsiveness and lack of restraint.
Children's minds and imaginations should not be overloaded with a lot of entertainment. Even the most pleasant impressions, but in large quantities, do not bring the child those pleasures that adults mistakenly count on when wanting to give the child something pleasant.
But often the reasons for whims lie in improper upbringing. The child constantly cries to satisfy his desires, and adults immediately fulfill them. Gradually, the baby develops the habit of achieving what he wants by crying and screaming. Imperceptibly entrenched, this habit becomes a character trait.
The whims of children are sometimes combined with stubbornness. Stubbornness is also a negative reaction to the demands and actions of adults.
Often, whims and stubbornness are mistaken for nervous manifestations: the child screams, swings his fists, throws toys, stomps on yoga, lies on the floor and screams.
Such a scene leaves adults confused and confused. The child is lifted from the floor, persuaded, consoled. “Nervous boy! We need to be gentler with him, not to traumatize him,” adults think, blaming themselves for being too demanding, which became the cause of this “nervous” explosion.
How should one react to such manifestations of children's whims? First of all, learn to outwardly calmly treat the child’s cry. It is better at such a moment to leave him alone until this condition passes.
An extreme degree of stubbornness, the so-called negativism, is expressed in the child’s senseless resistance to any demands of an adult. Negativism is always conscious, selective in nature and more often manifests itself, on the one hand, when parents try to persuade the child and are lost in the face of disobedience, on the other hand, when adults endlessly they pull the child back, forbid him everything, shout at him. In this case, stubbornness is, as it were, a defensive reaction against an excessive flow of educational measures.
What are children's whims?
Causes of children's whims: whims as a result of the child's painful condition, overwork, oversaturation with impressions, deprivation of organic needs, etc.; the absence of a regime, clear rules of life in the family - prerequisites for the emergence of whims; improper upbringing is the main source of the child’s whims (sacrificial parental love, unfailing fulfillment of all the child’s desires, spoiling; inconsistency or extremes in demands on the child - unbearable or excessively easy demands; excess or lack of attention to the child); whims as a protest against the injustice of adults.
A capricious or nervous child?
Do whims affect the moral development of a person?
How to avoid manifestations of children's whims: eliminating the causes that cause whims in a child; changing the child’s living conditions in the family and the entire education system is a necessary condition in overcoming the whims of children; the educational role of the regime and meaningful life of the child.
Whims and education of moral needs: instilling in a child from an early age a sense of duty, a conscious attitude towards his own actions; the presence of feasible responsibilities and rules in the family that regulate children's behavior; - formation in the child of the concepts “impossible”, “possible”, “must”.
ADVIСE
- a clear routine and meaningful life for a child is the main condition for the formation of positive, stable habits that prevent the occurrence of whims;
- a small child is easily distracted; skillful switching of his attention helps to stop whims;
- do not say in front of the child that he is capricious;
- do not promise children something that cannot be fulfilled, do not achieve obedience through bribery. The child will either stop believing the promises or begin to obey on the condition that he receives a reward for this;
- do not forget about the unity of requirements for the child from all adults. An instruction given by one of the family members must be supported by the rest, then the child will not seek protection from either his grandmother, or his mother, or his father;
-children's whims are the result of improper upbringing; most often they are the property of spoiled children.
"How to overcome children's whims."
Stubbornness and whims are not uncommon in children. Sometimes there are complaints about stubbornness, sometimes about whims, and sometimes both.
Stubbornness and whims are two sides of one and the same disorder, a manifestation of difficulties in socialization: in stronger children this is expressed in stubbornness, in weaker ones - in whims.
Developing in society, a child masters certain ways of behavior, relationships with people, and internalizes established norms. The personality of the parents, relationships in the family, the requirements for the child, their consistency, the ability to take into account the age and individual characteristics of the child - these are the main factors that determine the nature of the social development of a little person. The difficulties encountered in this case, behavioral disorders in the form of whims or stubbornness necessarily have their source not only in the characteristics of the child himself - his character, type of nervous system, habits, etc., but also in the behavior of adult family members (primarily parents, as well as teachers in preschool institutions.
Most parents give in to the child's wishes, thereby perpetuating capriciousness as a form of behavior. To overcome this unpleasant character trait, adults require great perseverance and patience. And for this it is necessary to be with children as much as possible, to conduct joint activities with them, games, walks. Typically, children who are prone to whims value the attention of adults very much and painfully tolerate its absence. For example, when parents leave their children in kindergarten and forget to kiss them or wave their hand, the children begin to cry and be capricious. The teacher has to include them in the common cause, captivate them, and engage them in activities. Therefore, parents also need to diversify their experience of communicating with children, engage in joint activities, and play games with their child. It is necessary to encourage the child’s independence, inviting him to do something interesting, while it is important to quietly help the child, not allowing his interest in independent actions to fade, and also to rejoice with him in his successes. The more meaningful the child’s life is and the more he does himself, the less time and energy remains for whims, and to eradicate stubbornness and whims, a conscious change in the behavior of adults is necessary, since the roots of these qualities lie not in the child, but in the parents.
Our task, the task of the preschool institution, is to provide optimal, psychologically comfortable conditions for the upbringing and development of children. The whims of children are not uncommon, there is a lot of literature and we hope that with the desire and patience of parents, whims and stubbornness can be overcome. We teach children to fulfill our demands, we do not indulge their whims, we try not to notice stubbornness, involving children in play activities. Letting them express themselves through play. We give them various tasks, distracting them from whims and stubbornness. But your role is no less important. The task of parents is also to create conditions favorable for the overall development of children in the family, to build the right relationship between the child and parents. It must be remembered that every child has his own “I”. It is more necessary to have casual conversations with children during walks, give them assignments that they can handle, develop their independence, and not be too protective.
Dear parents! Love your children and be very attentive to them!
