“Features of interpersonal relationships among adolescents”
Bobkova Irina Aleksandrovna, Russian language teacher
and literature, MKOU Klevantsovskaya secondary school
Ostrovsky district, Kostroma region
“Features of interpersonal relationships among adolescents”
Speech at a school-wide parent meeting on the topic
Abstract: The speech reveals issues of relationships among adolescents, the main types of interpersonal relationships in a children's team.
Parents are given advice on solving problems and difficult situations that their child has encountered at school.
Hello, dear parents! It is with this polite word that our children’s communication with adults and peers begins.
(Presentation. Slide 1)
Communication is the interaction of people in which mutual understanding always develops between them, certain relationships are established, and there is a certain mutual circulation of the people participating in the communication in relation to each other.
(Slide 2)
The need to communicate with peers, who cannot be replaced by parents, arises in a child as early as 4-5 years old and steadily intensifies with age. By the age of 13-14, a reorientation of a teenager and young man occurs from adults (parents, teachers and generally elders) to peers, more or less equal in status. This reorientation may occur slowly and gradually or abruptly and quickly, but such a reorientation necessarily occurs. Relationships in the first year of education are largely determined by the teacher through the organization of children's educational activities (the teacher praises or blames the student and his assessment is accepted by the students as the main characteristic of the friend's personal qualities).
(Slide 3)
In the second and third years of study, both attitudes towards the teacher’s personality and relationships in the team change, and this is where the difficult period of getting to know the school ends. The teacher’s personality becomes somewhat less significant, but contacts with classmates have become closer. Social activity forms a team, unites it with common goals and interests. A friendly, purposeful team has a huge impact on the development and formation of personality. In grades 2-3, children react painfully to adults’ comments made in front of their friends; they try to improve and take their rightful place among their peers.
Personal relationships already at primary school age are the basis of close groups, the so-called small groups. Small groups, as a rule, have their own leaders, often develop special norms of behavior, their own interests, and if they contradict generally accepted school rules, then between the students of this group, on the one hand, and the teacher and the activists of the class, on the other, the following may arise so-called semantic barrier, misunderstanding, alienation. The guys in this group are completely under the influence of the leader, recognize only his authority and find themselves in opposition to other students. But a small group is not always antagonistic to the class group. Knowing the life of small groups of his team and their leaders, the teacher skillfully influences group members through them, takes into account her opinion when choosing an asset.
During adolescence, children develop two systems of relationships that are different in their significance for mental development: one with adults, the other with peers. Both of them continue to develop in middle school. While fulfilling the same general socializing role, these two systems of relationships often conflict with each other in content and in the norms that regulate them.
Peer relationships
usually structured as equal partners and governed by norms of equality. Since communication with friends begins to bring more benefits to the teenager in satisfying his current interests and needs, he moves away from school and family, and begins to spend more time with peers.
(Slide 4)
Companionship
comes first in relationships between teenagers The atmosphere of such relationships is based on the “code of partnership,” which includes respect for the personal dignity of the other person, equality, loyalty, honesty, decency, and willingness to help. Especially in teenage groups, selfishness, greed, breaking one's word, betrayal of a comrade, arrogance, the desire to command, and unwillingness to take into account the opinions of comrades are condemned. Such behavior in groups of teenage peers is not only rejected, but often provokes responses towards the violator of the code of comradeship. They declare a boycott on him, deny him admission to the company, or joint participation in any interesting business.
In groups of teenagers, leadership relationships are usually established.
Personal attention from a leader is especially valuable for a teenager who is not the center of attention from his peers. He always especially values personal friendship with the leader and strives to win it at all costs. Often a teenager strives to gain leadership at any cost, thereby provoking disruptions in relationships with peers.
Similarity in interests and affairs is the most important factor in friendship
bringing teenagers together. Sometimes sympathy for a friend, the desire to be friends with him are the reasons for the emergence of interest in the business that the friend is engaged in. Friendship activates communication among teenagers; they discuss events in the life of their class, personal relationships, the actions of peers and adults; the content of their conversations contains many different “secrets.”
Towards the end of this age, adolescents develop an interest in a friend of the opposite sex.
At first, interest in a person of the opposite sex often takes on an unusual external expression characteristic of adolescents. The boys begin to bully the girls, they, in turn, complain about the boys and cause them trouble themselves. Later, the nature of intersexual relations changes, shyness, stiffness and timidity appear, sometimes accompanied by the preservation of “strange” external attributes in behavior: feigned indifference, contemptuous attitude towards a peer. Girls are already worried about who likes whom, who they are friends with, situations of rivalry and related conflicts among teenagers arise.
The child sees himself as he thinks others perceive him. Children's environment cultivates its own standard. Anything that goes beyond this norm is usually subject to ridicule. A little taller - “Kalancha”, a little fuller - “Fat” or “Fat”. And children, who are given nicknames left and right, respond to new “names”, sometimes even make fun of themselves - there is a way to “smooth the situation”: everyone comes up with their own way, because as soon as you show that you are offended, they will tease you more more.
At the age of 13-15 years, adolescents experience puberty. By the time of puberty, adolescents should have a fairly accurate understanding of the anatomy of the genital organs, pregnancy, and childbirth. It is better for the father to have this kind of conversation with his son, and it is more correct for the mother to talk to the girl. In both cases, adults should briefly talk about the changes occurring in adolescents of the opposite sex, emphasizing their naturalness and importance. Physical puberty in girls begins a year or two earlier than in boys, and occurs more intensely. However, this is a general pattern. Each child grows and develops according to an individual “plan”. And this must be emphasized in conversation. It is important that no one worries about being behind their peers or, conversely, because the signs and signs of growing up appeared earlier than others. The family does not have the right to ignore these age features. The future relationship with him depends to a very large extent on how tactful she is with her child. The fact that a teenager is left alone with his experiences can contribute to both strengthening his independence and the emergence of some of his alienation. Observant parents usually notice its signs: relationships with adults take on a formal character, the teenager is in no hurry to follow even their quite reasonable instructions, does not share his thoughts and feelings, and is met with hostility towards attempts of even the most friendly contact with him by an adult. For many parents, such alienation becomes a difficult and undeserved test. However, with all the desire for independence, boys and girls are in dire need of life experience and the help of elders.
If you feel that your child may have problems with his peers at school, it is better to work with him in advance and tell him about simple techniques of “psychological aikido.” What needs to be explained to a child so that he meets difficult situations fully armed and comes out of them with dignity?
(Slide 5)
1. Conflicts are inevitable.
In life, people’s interests inevitably collide, so you need to be calm and philosophical about disputes that arise between them, trying to reach a consensus (that is, a mutually beneficial agreement). For your part, you should, if possible, not run into conflict (don’t be annoying, don’t snitch or be greedy, don’t brag or be preoccupied).
2. It is impossible to please everyone.
As Ostap Bender said: “I’m not a piece of gold to please everyone.” Instill in your child that everyone doesn’t have to love him and that he shouldn’t try to please everyone. Moreover, it is unacceptable to curry favor with more authoritative children and try to win their respect with the help of gifts, concessions and “licking up”.
3. Always defend yourself!
The child must know that aggression cannot be resignedly given in. The Christian position of non-resistance “if you are hit on the cheek, turn the other one” in a children’s group inevitably dooms the child to bullying.
4. Maintain neutrality.
The ideal option is to have equal relations with everyone. Therefore, it is best not to support boycotts or take sides in disputes. It is not necessary to do this demonstratively: you can find a plausible excuse (“I have to go to class,” “I have no right to interfere in the affairs of others”).
As a rule, if a child really does not have good contact with peers, conversations alone will not do the trick. Parents should take all possible measures at the initial stage to ensure that the child fits into society. Talk to teachers about your child's problems and make them your allies.
(Slide 6)
* Make sure that your child does not stand out from others in appearance.
* Try to ensure that your child communicates with classmates (invite them to visit, send your child to an after-school group, etc.).
* If a child suffers from indecision and does not know how to react quickly in difficult situations, you can rehearse them at home in the form of a role-playing game (“they take your things away,” “they tease you,” etc.) and develop behavioral tactics.
“The children will figure it out on their own”
There is an opinion that adults should not interfere in the affairs of children: supposedly the child should learn to solve his problems himself. This is not true for all situations. Firstly, the child should always feel your moral support. Secondly, you will be calmer if he gets into the habit of sharing his experiences with you. Even if you do not personally intervene in any difficult situation, you can tell your child what to do.
“I won’t let my child be hurt”
What to do if a child was offended by his peers and you know who did it? It would seem that the easiest way is to go and restore justice: to punish the offenders yourself. The child will learn about this and receive moral satisfaction. "I'm good, they're bad." But will such tactics be beneficial? Isn’t it better to try to solve the problem at the root: explain to the child what he can do to ensure that a similar situation does not happen again. Then next time he will be able to deal with the offenders on his own.
“The main thing is to learn the techniques”
Parents of boys always want their children to be “real boys” and be able to stand up for themselves with their fists. You can and should send the boy to the sports section so that he can learn fighting techniques, but we need to explain to him: he is not studying them in order to use them every time. Self-defense techniques can give your child self-confidence, but at the same time, you must teach him to resolve conflicts in constructive ways, leaving fist arguments for a last resort.
Types of aggression and methods of response
There are several main types of interpersonal relationships in a children's team:
(In the presentation, slides 7 - 10)
At first glance, this information seems so banal, but, nevertheless, each of you probably thought about it and tried to correlate some facts with your own child, and probably some of the points that were just voiced are true.
You and I must not forget about what we must do, and what we all do without exception, is raise our children. But this begs the question - who is involved in raising parents? I suggest answering the test questions.
(Test in presentation. Slides 11-13)
Agree that it is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation in the team. But often they notice before teachers do that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has poor relationships with classmates. In this case, it is necessary to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher in order to dispel doubts, than to allow the situation to get out of control.
There are several types of their reactions to the current situation in the classroom.
- Parents understand that the child has communication problems, but do not know how to help him (sometimes they are convinced that this is impossible). They admit that in childhood they also experienced difficulties communicating with peers.
- Parents believe that everything is fine with the child, and if there are any problems, then those around them are to blame: teachers who do not properly organize communication in the classroom; children who are aggressive and cannot communicate normally; their parents raising their children incorrectly.
By the way, sometimes it is the position of the parents that becomes the reason for the rejection of their child by others. The child gets used to considering those around him to blame for his problems, does not know how to admit his mistakes, treats his peers with a sense of superiority, and does not want to take into account their interests and opinions.
Sometimes parents are right - those around them are really primarily to blame for the bad attitude towards their child.
In a situation where there is a specific offender (teacher or classmate), parents often try to “sort out” with him. They go to complain to the administration about the unfair treatment of their child by the teacher. If a child is bullied by classmates, then the parents, coming to school, reprimand the offender, threaten him or reprimand his parents. Unfortunately, such actions do not help, but harm the child.
Parents who seek help realize that the child is not doing well in class due to his personality traits. They are ready to cooperate with the psychologist and class teacher and help the child. This type of reaction would be most correct.
What to do if a child is rejected. (Slide 14)
Not all children can and want to tell their parents about their problems, and the older the child, the less likely it is that he will complain to his parents about what is happening. It is worth showing interest in your child’s affairs, but doing it unobtrusively. If he doesn't say anything himself, you should watch him.
First of all, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child’s relationships with classmates, see how your child behaves in class after school or during recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom does he communicate, who communicates with him? and so on.
Memo to parents (slide 15)
Final word. (Last slide – 16)
Literature:
1. Abramova G.S. Practical psychology. “Academic Project” - M.: Prosᴨȇkt, 2000
Parent meeting in 6-7 grades. Abstract
Summary of the parent meeting on the topic:
Peculiarities of adolescents’ communication with members of the opposite sex.
Author: Elena Evgenievna Goloborodko, 4th year student at the Institute of Education and Social Sciences, North Caucasus Federal University, Stavropol Description of the material: I bring to your attention a summary of the parent meeting, which may be useful for teachers of general education institutions. Also, information about the peculiarities of communication between teenagers and members of the opposite sex is relevant for parents whose children are teenagers. Purpose: to consider the rules of behavior of parents with teenage children, to expand their knowledge in the field of psychological characteristics of adolescents. Objectives: 1.Give parents the opportunity to share their experience in raising children and teenagers; 2.Expand the psychological knowledge of parents; 3. Help parents establish more comfortable family relationships for children and parents. 4. Help parents understand the significance of physiological and psychological changes in the child’s life, and draw their attention to their own behavior during this period. Form of the meeting: round table. Meeting plan: 1. Organizational point. 2.Opening speech by the teacher. 3. Discussion of the characteristics of communication between boys and girls in adolescence. Mini-lecture on this topic. 4. Analysis of various everyday situations and a collective search for the best way out of them. 5. Distribution of instructions for parents. 6. Summing up. Equipment: Exhibition of books about raising teenagers, poster with photographs of students' families. Presentation.
Preparatory work for the meeting: 1. Preparation of various statistical material on the problem. 2. Memo for parents on the topic of the meeting, questionnaires for diagnosing parents and children. 3. Diagnosis of children and parents. 4. Invitations for parents to a parent meeting. Example of an invitation: Parent meeting: “Features of communication between teenagers and representatives of the opposite sex” will take place on October 24, 2007 at 6:00 p.m. Dear Tatyana Alekseevna and Vladimir Ivanovich! I invite you to a confidential conversation about how to be closer to your children. You will find out whether your position towards them is correct. Class teacher: Elena Evgenievna Goloborodko
5. There is an epigraph on the board. 6. Situations for discussion during the meeting. 7. Electronic presentation on the topic of the meeting. Diagnostics of children and parents Questioning of students
From the proposed answer options, choose the one that is closest to your opinion: 1. Lately, you like to spend more time: A. With your family;
B. With friends; B. Alone. 2. Changes in your appearance, height, weight: A. Please; B. Upset; B. They irritate and make you angry. 3. Most of all you would like to be: A. Smart; B. Beautiful; B. Sociable. 4. If you were the center of attention due to your appearance, you would: A. Be happy; B. Upset; B. It wouldn't matter. Parent Questionnaire
1, Can you confirm or deny with “yes” or “no” answers that your child has become more interested in: A. His appearance;
B. Your weight and height; B. Hygiene of one’s own body; D. The opposite sex. 2. That he has become more: A. Communicate with friends on the phone; B. Spend time in front of the mirror; B. Spending time with friends outside the home; D. Pay attention to your clothes. 3. Personally, he became: A. More secretive; B. Less responsive to parental affection and attention; B. Responsive to comments addressed to them; D. Less responsible in educational activities. Progress of the meeting: 1. Organizational moment: a) placement, greeting. Teacher - Hello dear parents! Today we will talk about what difficulties you and your children may encounter in adolescence, and that it is during this period, at this age, that your children begin active communication with representatives of the opposite sex, based on sympathy, or absolutely opposite antipathy. Let's discuss the features and results of possible communication, and figure out how to prevent the negative consequences of this communication. 2. Introductory speech from the teacher: “We teach children to communicate, we teach children to communicate.” Adolescence is characterized by the most contrasting psychophysiological and social changes, which, intertwined into a tight knot, create a very contradictory socio-psychological portrait of today's teenager. This is the time when a restructuring of attitudes towards the environment takes place, self-esteem is rapidly formed, often inadequate to the real capabilities of a teenager, and criticality in assessments sharply increases with a clear lack of self-criticism. From 12 to 15 years of age, the leading activity of a teenager is intimate and personal communication. The teenager begins to take himself and his capabilities more seriously; tries to find his niche among his peers, often ignoring the opinions of parents and teachers. Communication in adolescence undergoes a significant qualitative change compared to communication among younger schoolchildren. Communication with peers, mainly representatives of the opposite sex, becomes a priority for a teenager. Today we will try to understand how important it is for a child to communicate during adolescence, especially with members of the opposite sex. And also what is the role of the family, support and advice from parents in this matter for teenagers.
Teacher: Before the beautiful and joyful period of adolescence begins, our children are already experiencing the period of early adolescence today. It can also be called the period of the ugly duckling, a period of hostility and non-acceptance of oneself, a period of denial and suffering. Children experience this period differently: some rebel, openly protest, others suffer in silence, withdrawing into themselves and quietly swallowing tears. However, in both cases, children need support, attention and care. They should really feel that their family and friends understand their problems and are trying to answer the questions that the very situation of growing up poses to them. Let's look at the results of the class study. They say that it’s time to take into account the issues of puberty in raising your own child, not to brush them aside, not to leave them unattended. Analysis of the results of a survey of children and parents. Can be presented on slides in the form of diagrams. For example:
3. Teacher: Now let's talk about the features of communication between boys and girls during this period. Questions for parents:
- So, dear parents, can any of you name these features?
— What difficulties did you encounter? Parents' answers. Teacher : Let's take a closer look at these features.
Mini-lecture
Features of communication between boys and girls in adolescence.
The communication traits and communication styles of boys and girls are not the same. Despite the fact that boys seem more sociable than girls, interacting more actively with other children, the level of sociability of boys and girls in adolescence differs more qualitatively than quantitatively. The content of a joint activity and their own success in it mean more to boys than the presence of individual sympathy for other participants in the game. Girls' communication is more passive, but it is also more friendly and selective. According to psychological research, boys first come into contact with each other and only then, during play or business interaction, do they develop a positive attitude and develop a craving for each other. Girls, on the contrary, come into contact mainly with those they like; the content of joint activities is relatively secondary for them.
Relationships between boys and girls are also changing. In adolescence, an interest in a friend of the opposite sex arises, a desire to be liked, and gender identification occurs: “I am like a man, I am like a woman.” The awareness of personal attractiveness comes to the fore - this is of paramount importance in the eyes of peers. The manifestation of interest in a person of the opposite sex during adolescence varies. As spontaneity disappears in adolescents, intergender relationships become more difficult. The nature of the relationship between boys and girls changes from somewhat cocky behavior to the appearance of shyness, stiffness and timidity, or even ostentatious indifference, contemptuous attitude towards a peer of the opposite sex, etc. The uneven development of boys and girls can cause a number of concerns. Feelings of inferiority can be caused by both large height in girls and short stature in boys. Growth, fatness, and thinness are especially difficult to experience. There comes a stage when interest in the other sex intensifies even more, but outwardly, greater isolation arises in the relationships between boys and girls. Against this background, interest is shown in established relationships, in who likes whom. In girls, this interest usually arises earlier than in boys: their own sympathies are mysteriously communicated to their only friend, but often also to a group of peers. Even with mutual liking, open friendships rarely appear, since for this, teenagers need not only to overcome their own inhibitions, but also be ready to withstand ridicule and teasing from their peers. With older teenagers, communication between boys and girls becomes more open: teenagers of both sexes are included in the social circle, and more romantic relationships appear. These relationships create a need for self-improvement, a desire to become better. With puberty comes a better understanding of the opposite sex. There comes a period when a teenager satisfies his needs for communication with representatives of the opposite sex. In mixed-sex groups, psychological experience and stereotypes of male and female behavior are acquired. Friends of the opposite sex contribute to their self-knowledge and self-affirmation. They see that masculine and feminine complement each other, and become more loyal to representatives of the opposite sex. At the same time, an important factor in shaping the process of communication between boys and girls is a competent strategy of adult behavior. And therefore, you, dear parents, should not remain indifferent and indifferent to the lives of your children! After all, it is during this period that they, like no one else, need your advice and support. Discussion with parents of the main provisions of the mini-lecture. 4. Analysis and discussion of situations proposed by the class teacher. Situation 1
A child, who has always been indifferent to the clothes that his parents bought for him, suddenly begins to be capricious, refuses to wear the clothes of his older brothers and sisters, and is offended if his parents remain adamant and believe that he is too young to buy good and expensive things...
Situation 2
The girl is popular with the boys of the class, everyone tries to invite her to their birthday party, the girl speaks contemptuously about her peers, calling them underdeveloped and uninteresting for boys...
Situation 3
The child has a complex about his small height. He has problems communicating with his peers; it seems to him that everyone is laughing at him. When he talks about this at home, his family and friends also laugh, considering this problem to be small and insignificant...
Situation 4
A girl, absolutely underweight, refuses to eat, worries about her figure, becomes aggressive and rude, and does not listen to any arguments from her parents. Parents give their own arguments to all the arguments: in our class, all the girls are losing weight...
Dads and moms! Your child is entering the time of his physiological maturation. This makes certain changes in his character, relationships with people around him and his peers. Obvious physical maturation changes a child’s outlook on life and his value guidelines. The importance of family to your child during this period of time is everlasting. He needs your warmth and care, understanding and trust more than ever. Here are the statistics that you should know (also on the slides): 1. Prepubescent age is characterized by a high level of anxiety, preoccupation and dissatisfaction with one’s appearance.
2. During this period of life, children consider physical characteristics to be their least favorite character traits. 3. 30% of boys and 20% of girls aged 11 - 12 years old experience anxiety about their height. 4. 60% of girls aged 11 - 12 years old are worried about being overweight. In reality, only 16% of this number are obese or obese. 5. Boys and girls who reach physical maturity earlier than others have a higher social status in the children's team. 6. According to statistics, the experience of the first love of girls is 11 years old - 60%, the experience of the first love of boys is 13 years old. 7. During this period of time, girls strive more for personal freedom and independence. Starting from the age of 11, the conflict level of adolescents increases. 8. Most children during this period of time move away from their parents, preferring a group of peers. 5. Distributing reminders to parents and summarizing the results of the parent meeting.
Reminder for parents on the topic of the meeting 1. Try to talk openly and frankly with your child about the most sensitive topics. 2. Be wary of your child receiving information from others. 3. Talk about your experiences at the age your children are now. 4. Be open to communication with your child, even if you don’t know something or doubt something, don’t hesitate to tell him about it. 5. Don't speak negatively about the experiences you had growing up. The child will experience them from your position and perceive them the way you perceived them. 6. Try to ensure that your children do not perceive sexual relations as something dirty and shameful. Their physiological maturation largely depends on this. 7. During puberty, it is important for boys to receive support and approval from their mothers, and for girls from their fathers. 8. Show affection to your children, show them your love. 9. Be especially attentive and observant, pay attention to any changes in your child’s behavior. 10. Try to protect your child in every possible way if he needs it. 6. Final word: Teacher: Your child is entering the time of his physiological maturation. This makes certain changes in his character, relationships with people around him and his peers. Obvious physical maturation changes a child’s outlook on life and his value guidelines. The importance of family to your child during this period of time is everlasting. He needs your warmth and care, understanding and trust more than ever!
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